There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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