Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
