JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
