You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
