this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
