Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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