Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
