there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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