return my video game
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
