i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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