Can i not drive my cunt home
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
