We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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