It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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