i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
These tits shall not be calmed
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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