My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
