And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
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She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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