That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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