take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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