I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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