I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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