So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
