just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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