This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
