he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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