i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
