I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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