the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
