But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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