dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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