I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
