exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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