You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
