$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
