so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
