so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
be right there i have to get my cape
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
