My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
