I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
