Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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