Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
