Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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