I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
