So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
