i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We are two peas in an std pod
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
