i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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