Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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