I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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