Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
