Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize