Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize