party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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