I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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