lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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