Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
