when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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