I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
