two words: eviction party
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
