Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
