I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
