My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
