Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
