So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
