apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
