Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
