Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
