Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
