Need sex. Gaining weight.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
