The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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