Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
